Fanfic Title: The Little Girl & Her Prince Charming
Author: SuperSapphire
Fanfic Url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/5673/the-little-girl-her-prince-charming-one-shot-shinee
Reviewer: Hainexazien@kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 4/5
I thought the title fairly appropriate, and that it suited the story quite well! It was quite capturing as well, as I would click on it if I was scrolling through a page of fanfics, though I took a mark off for how often it’s used. Though it’s not one of the ‘super-used’ titles for stories, but I have seen titles that are quite similar to this, but it’s still quite able to attract a reader’s attention! So good job!
Appearance: 3/5
There wasn’t necessarily a poster, in which I would usually mark the appearance out of, but instead, I marked it on the organization of the fanfic, and I took marks off because the forewords in itself didn’t really look that organized, and though the fanfic text in itself is very organized, the forewords wasn’t. Such big text made the words look quite crowded, so just keep that in mind the next time you write.
Forewords: 2/10
Your forewords really didn’t tell me much of the story, and though having the story dedicated to one of your best friend is really something that’s nice to know, but it doesn’t tell me much about the story. There was about one sentence that you wrote that told me briefly what the one-shot was about, but though it’s a one-shot, I do tend to expect a description of the characters or at least a prologue to be present, as it pulls in the readers’ attention, and keeps the readers reading. Without it, it’s really just an author’s note –and those most often don’t pull in much attention.
Storyline: 12/15
I don’t have much to say about the storyline itself, as it was used quite a few times as well (As I’ve seen it around quite a few times), but you’ve managed to make the story somewhat ‘yours’ in a way that I would know that it was your story even if you didn’t indicate it earlier. You added a little bit creativity in there that allowed this storyline stand out from all the others that are similar. So Good Job!
Story Flow: 15/15
You did a great job keeping the flow in this story consistent and comfortable to read with! So full marks! Keep up the good work!
Character Development: 15/15
The characters were really developed quite well, as I could tell what they were thinking, and I could actually relate to how they were feeling, so that’s always a good thing. I knew and understood how they felt and viewed things, and so that was really good!
Descriptions: 5/10
You weren’t very detailed when writing, and the descriptions you put in your story were very limited. Try to expand on your descriptions in your story, as it adds a better image or impression in your reader’s mind. There would be no point in writing if all your characters are vague, and they really don’t know much about the character –it would be very much equal to not reading the story at all.
Correct Spelling/ Grammar: 5/5
I didn’t see a lot of grammar and spelling errors within the story –but the ones I did see, they weren’t really big ones, so there’s nothing to worry about! Good job!
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I never swayed when I read your story, and I was never distracted, and so it did quite a good job of keeping my interest, and it a very good well-written story! Keep up the good work!
Ending: 5/5
I love happy endings, and it may be a little biased, but it was a good ending! A little overused, but still a good ending! Good job!
Bonus Points: 5/5
Total: 81/100
Good Job! I really liked reading your one-shot! And I really apologize for taking so long to do your review! I hope I didn’t offend you in any way in this review! I hope you can use this as a guide in the future for writing! Thank-you for requesting at Kiwi-flight, and I wish you all the best!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Forbidden Love
Fanfic Url - http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ava_oneshot/
Author - Arlean19
Reviewed by Han
Title - 3/5
It matched the theme of the story, however when I read the title, the plot of the story was completely different. I thought it was going to be a thriller until I saw the colour. It also lacked a small sense of appeal, but it is appropriate enough.
Appearance - 3.5/5
The main colour is pink and it gives that sense of fun and childishness and it matched it quite well.
The poster is also nice. Well done.
Forewords - 4/10
You lost marks here because you didn't write a good foreword. Although you said that it wasn't necessary because it was a one-shot, you still should have added some sort of character description. It's better for the readers to have an understanding of the characters before the story proceeds.
Storyline - 10/15
It's quite different to what I'm used to and the story continued well. Although it was rushed, it couldn't be helped because it was a one-shot. Your entries could have been longer and it could have still been a one-shot, only longer.
Story Flow - 12.5/15
The story flowed well because the events came continually one after another, you lost points because of the pace. Other than that it flowed well.
Character Development - 10/15
There was minimal charcter development in your story as it wasn't long enough to get to know the charcters really well. However you made sure your characters kept their characteristics so you've gained marks. Well done.
Descriptions - 5/10
I gave you a low mark here because there was no imagery created. I only spotted one simile and that was a let down. You described the gang coming into the restaurant more than the main characters themselves, which was also dissapointing. Although most readers already may know what Selina and Jae Joong look like, it's still better to read with descriptions about the looks and the way the move.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 2.5/5
Here I gave you the benefit of the doubt because English may not be your first language.
You made a few typos such as: (There were a couple of others, but I will only list a few)
You wrote: at he bestfriend
It should've been: at HER bestfriend
You wrote: as her went on with his teaching.
It should've been: as HE went on with his teaching.
You also went from past tense to present tense, which can stop the flow of your sentence and cause your reader to become confused. Such as:
You wrote: "I just thought that your food looks delicious,"
It should've been: "I just thought that your food LOOKED delicious,"
Also small errors such as adding commas or questions marks is important, such as: (there are two ways to this example)
You wrote: What will I call him AHJUSSI??
It should've been: What will I call him? AHJUSSI??
Or: What? Will I call him AHJUSSI?
Also, once you have started using a word, you need to keep it consistent, for example:
You wrote: Umma, what are we doing here?! That would be a five year gap, mom!!
Note here that at first you used Umma, and then you suddenly switched to mom. This can also cause confusion, so it's best if you don't do it, stick to just one word.
You also used the word go in a couple of innappopriate places, for example:
You wrote: "It's my own decision to go here"
It should be: "It WAS my own decision to COME here."
Or: "It's my own decision to BE here"
You wrote: one who got late
It shouldv'e been: (the) one who CAME late
The grammar for some of your sentences was also incorrect:
You wrote: would really be embarrassed to his parents!"
It shouldv'e been: (It) would really be EMBARRASSING to his parents!"
You wrote: revealing the least she wanted to see.
It should've been: revealing the PERSON she least wanted to see.
Or: reavealing the LAST PERSON she wanted to see.
Keeping Interest - 7/10
Your story was good at keeping interest because Selina started off hating Jae Joong, because of this, as a reader, I wanted to find out why/how she would fall for Jae Joong. It was slightly humourous, so it kept me interested. Well done.
Ending - 2.5/5
Personally, I didn't really like the ending as it was over too soon. It's illegal to be in a relationship with a teacher, so I don't really understand why Jung Jessica would let it off so easily when she wanted Jae Joong. I think the ending could have been better because I can see you have potential.
Bonus Points - 3/5
I'm giving you bonus marks because I could see that you tried hard. With a bit more refining and editing, I'm sure you will do better on your next story.
FINAL SCORE: 63/100
Reviewer's note: I hope I wasn't being too harsh, it's just some constructive criticsm. I hope you take my advice, and not hate me too much. Good Luck with your future stories and come back to the Kiwi Family again soon. ^_^
Author - Arlean19
Reviewed by Han
Title - 3/5
It matched the theme of the story, however when I read the title, the plot of the story was completely different. I thought it was going to be a thriller until I saw the colour. It also lacked a small sense of appeal, but it is appropriate enough.
Appearance - 3.5/5
The main colour is pink and it gives that sense of fun and childishness and it matched it quite well.
The poster is also nice. Well done.
Forewords - 4/10
You lost marks here because you didn't write a good foreword. Although you said that it wasn't necessary because it was a one-shot, you still should have added some sort of character description. It's better for the readers to have an understanding of the characters before the story proceeds.
Storyline - 10/15
It's quite different to what I'm used to and the story continued well. Although it was rushed, it couldn't be helped because it was a one-shot. Your entries could have been longer and it could have still been a one-shot, only longer.
Story Flow - 12.5/15
The story flowed well because the events came continually one after another, you lost points because of the pace. Other than that it flowed well.
Character Development - 10/15
There was minimal charcter development in your story as it wasn't long enough to get to know the charcters really well. However you made sure your characters kept their characteristics so you've gained marks. Well done.
Descriptions - 5/10
I gave you a low mark here because there was no imagery created. I only spotted one simile and that was a let down. You described the gang coming into the restaurant more than the main characters themselves, which was also dissapointing. Although most readers already may know what Selina and Jae Joong look like, it's still better to read with descriptions about the looks and the way the move.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 2.5/5
Here I gave you the benefit of the doubt because English may not be your first language.
You made a few typos such as: (There were a couple of others, but I will only list a few)
You wrote: at he bestfriend
It should've been: at HER bestfriend
You wrote: as her went on with his teaching.
It should've been: as HE went on with his teaching.
You also went from past tense to present tense, which can stop the flow of your sentence and cause your reader to become confused. Such as:
You wrote: "I just thought that your food looks delicious,"
It should've been: "I just thought that your food LOOKED delicious,"
Also small errors such as adding commas or questions marks is important, such as: (there are two ways to this example)
You wrote: What will I call him AHJUSSI??
It should've been: What will I call him? AHJUSSI??
Or: What? Will I call him AHJUSSI?
Also, once you have started using a word, you need to keep it consistent, for example:
You wrote: Umma, what are we doing here?! That would be a five year gap, mom!!
Note here that at first you used Umma, and then you suddenly switched to mom. This can also cause confusion, so it's best if you don't do it, stick to just one word.
You also used the word go in a couple of innappopriate places, for example:
You wrote: "It's my own decision to go here"
It should be: "It WAS my own decision to COME here."
Or: "It's my own decision to BE here"
You wrote: one who got late
It shouldv'e been: (the) one who CAME late
The grammar for some of your sentences was also incorrect:
You wrote: would really be embarrassed to his parents!"
It shouldv'e been: (It) would really be EMBARRASSING to his parents!"
You wrote: revealing the least she wanted to see.
It should've been: revealing the PERSON she least wanted to see.
Or: reavealing the LAST PERSON she wanted to see.
Keeping Interest - 7/10
Your story was good at keeping interest because Selina started off hating Jae Joong, because of this, as a reader, I wanted to find out why/how she would fall for Jae Joong. It was slightly humourous, so it kept me interested. Well done.
Ending - 2.5/5
Personally, I didn't really like the ending as it was over too soon. It's illegal to be in a relationship with a teacher, so I don't really understand why Jung Jessica would let it off so easily when she wanted Jae Joong. I think the ending could have been better because I can see you have potential.
Bonus Points - 3/5
I'm giving you bonus marks because I could see that you tried hard. With a bit more refining and editing, I'm sure you will do better on your next story.
FINAL SCORE: 63/100
Reviewer's note: I hope I wasn't being too harsh, it's just some constructive criticsm. I hope you take my advice, and not hate me too much. Good Luck with your future stories and come back to the Kiwi Family again soon. ^_^
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Paris Review
Title: Paris
Author: Oblivious To The Obvious
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/obliviousparis/
Reviewer: weepingangel
Title - 5/5 - The title let me know where the setting of the story is. at least i could expect what would happen in paris
Appearance 4/5 - The poster and background is just right for the tone/mood of the story
Forewords - 9/10 - I love how you explained that Paris is a city of love, and what the character is feeling when she is in Paris. Again, the foreword gave me a clue on what the story would be
Storyline - 13/15 - I've never seen a story like this before, so kudos for making this kind of plot
Story Flow - 13/15 - The pacing is good. There are short chapters and long chapters. But it would have been good if you elaborated on what happened to Dara while waiting for Friday to come.
Character Development - 13/15 - You could have give a details of the characters before the story. But anyways, you described your characters throughout the chapters :)
Descriptions - 9/10 - You described the situation well, as well as the character's feelings. I could feel Ji Young's pain while reading it
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 5/5 - No wrong grammar or misspelled word
Keeping Interest - 9/10 - I enjoy reading this since it's a short story. Plus, the plot is exciting.
Ending - 5/5 - I love sad endings, and I love how you elaborated on what Ji Young is feeling when Dara is back in TaeYang's arms. Plus, you made and explanation of the ending, which is cool
Bonus Points - 2/5 - 1 point for choosing me to review the story and another point for the ending :)
Total: 87/100
Author: Oblivious To The Obvious
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/obliviousparis/
Reviewer: weepingangel
Title - 5/5 - The title let me know where the setting of the story is. at least i could expect what would happen in paris
Appearance 4/5 - The poster and background is just right for the tone/mood of the story
Forewords - 9/10 - I love how you explained that Paris is a city of love, and what the character is feeling when she is in Paris. Again, the foreword gave me a clue on what the story would be
Storyline - 13/15 - I've never seen a story like this before, so kudos for making this kind of plot
Story Flow - 13/15 - The pacing is good. There are short chapters and long chapters. But it would have been good if you elaborated on what happened to Dara while waiting for Friday to come.
Character Development - 13/15 - You could have give a details of the characters before the story. But anyways, you described your characters throughout the chapters :)
Descriptions - 9/10 - You described the situation well, as well as the character's feelings. I could feel Ji Young's pain while reading it
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 5/5 - No wrong grammar or misspelled word
Keeping Interest - 9/10 - I enjoy reading this since it's a short story. Plus, the plot is exciting.
Ending - 5/5 - I love sad endings, and I love how you elaborated on what Ji Young is feeling when Dara is back in TaeYang's arms. Plus, you made and explanation of the ending, which is cool
Bonus Points - 2/5 - 1 point for choosing me to review the story and another point for the ending :)
Total: 87/100
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sorry, I Love You Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MaknaeLove/
Fanfic Title: Sorry, I Love You
Author: MaknaeLove
Reviewer: Hainexazien@http://kiwi-flight.blogspot.com/
Title –3/5
First of all, the title wasn’t really creative as it was overused and you can see it quite a lot while scanning pages while looking for a Fanfiction to read. Though it could be considered suitable for your fanfic, I could imagine a whole bunch of other titles that would be even more suitable. Titles are one the main tools in attracting readers to your fanfic, and if it’s not original or creative enough, you won’t have a lot of audience for your fanfic.
Appearance –4/5
I loved the poster, but perhaps you could add a color to the background to suit the poster? The background didn’t blend in with the background, so that was good.
Forewords –9/10
The forewords were really good, but I would have preferred the prologue in the forewords, but instead you had a longer one on the first chapter :) which was good as well! Good Job!
Storyline –12/15
The storyline is really commonly used, and I’ve seen a lot of it before. But somewhat, you’ve added an originality to the story, and so it didn’t seem so much the same as the other ones I’ve read before. Nicely done!
Story Flow –15/15
The flow was just right! Good Job!
Character Development—15/15
There isn’t a lot of chance to develop characters in one/two shots! But you have definitely showed that it is possible! Very well done!
Descriptions –8/10
There wasn’t much description, but the writing was really detailed. Adding more descriptions regarding the characters could create a better image in the readers’ minds.
Spelling/Grammar – 4/4
There are both minor mistakes, but I’m sure that you’d want to go back and fix them. Otherwise, there’s nothing much to worry about. You were easy to understand, and I couldn’t find many mistakes in your story.
‘I am I really nothing to you?’ didn’t really make much sense, but I’m guessing that you just mixed up ‘I’ and ‘am’ and put it the other way around? Because it makes sense the other way around; not anything major, but just wanted to let you know there was a mistake.
Also, you wrote ‘After reading it for the nth time, I sighed…’ What do you mean by nth time? Was there supposed to be a number instead of the ‘n’? Please go back and fix that, because it does confuse the reader. Though it’s not a major mistake, it could be fixed and could allow the reader to picture a better image in the mind.
Keeping Interest –10/10
I read the whole story without my mind drifting! You kept my attention the whole time! Good Job!
Ending –5/5
I loved the ending :)
Bonus Points –5/5
Reading the story truly made my day!
Total –90/100
If I’ve offended you in any way during this review, I apologize. But reading this story has reminded me of something I never had the courage to do –to tell someone that I loved them, and if it really is what you’ve done in your life, then I praise you for it, because it really takes a lot of courage to do. :) I enjoyed reading your story! Good luck on your next one! Thanks for requesting at Kiwi Flight! Have a nice day!
Fanfic Title: Sorry, I Love You
Author: MaknaeLove
Reviewer: Hainexazien@http://kiwi-flight.blogspot.com/
Title –3/5
First of all, the title wasn’t really creative as it was overused and you can see it quite a lot while scanning pages while looking for a Fanfiction to read. Though it could be considered suitable for your fanfic, I could imagine a whole bunch of other titles that would be even more suitable. Titles are one the main tools in attracting readers to your fanfic, and if it’s not original or creative enough, you won’t have a lot of audience for your fanfic.
Appearance –4/5
I loved the poster, but perhaps you could add a color to the background to suit the poster? The background didn’t blend in with the background, so that was good.
Forewords –9/10
The forewords were really good, but I would have preferred the prologue in the forewords, but instead you had a longer one on the first chapter :) which was good as well! Good Job!
Storyline –12/15
The storyline is really commonly used, and I’ve seen a lot of it before. But somewhat, you’ve added an originality to the story, and so it didn’t seem so much the same as the other ones I’ve read before. Nicely done!
Story Flow –15/15
The flow was just right! Good Job!
Character Development—15/15
There isn’t a lot of chance to develop characters in one/two shots! But you have definitely showed that it is possible! Very well done!
Descriptions –8/10
There wasn’t much description, but the writing was really detailed. Adding more descriptions regarding the characters could create a better image in the readers’ minds.
Spelling/Grammar – 4/4
There are both minor mistakes, but I’m sure that you’d want to go back and fix them. Otherwise, there’s nothing much to worry about. You were easy to understand, and I couldn’t find many mistakes in your story.
‘I am I really nothing to you?’ didn’t really make much sense, but I’m guessing that you just mixed up ‘I’ and ‘am’ and put it the other way around? Because it makes sense the other way around; not anything major, but just wanted to let you know there was a mistake.
Also, you wrote ‘After reading it for the nth time, I sighed…’ What do you mean by nth time? Was there supposed to be a number instead of the ‘n’? Please go back and fix that, because it does confuse the reader. Though it’s not a major mistake, it could be fixed and could allow the reader to picture a better image in the mind.
Keeping Interest –10/10
I read the whole story without my mind drifting! You kept my attention the whole time! Good Job!
Ending –5/5
I loved the ending :)
Bonus Points –5/5
Reading the story truly made my day!
Total –90/100
If I’ve offended you in any way during this review, I apologize. But reading this story has reminded me of something I never had the courage to do –to tell someone that I loved them, and if it really is what you’ve done in your life, then I praise you for it, because it really takes a lot of courage to do. :) I enjoyed reading your story! Good luck on your next one! Thanks for requesting at Kiwi Flight! Have a nice day!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Letting Go Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SHINeeO1/
Author: `shinee
Reviewed by maybeSammy
Title - 4/5
Although not incredibly unique, the title suits your story very well and has a nice ring to it. However, I feel like you could've taken a step forever. For example, you could've related the title to the piano song she played which plays a big role in Eunji's and Jonghun's relationship.
Appearance - 5/5
Outstanding poster and background! They are not only attractive, but related to your story as well.
Forewords - 9/10
The Forewords were beautifully written. I think they would've been even better if the entire thing was written in Eunji's POV. It suddenly changes from a voice describing Eunji's and Jonghun's relationship to Eunji speaking of it herself. Nevertheless, you did a good job in introducing the story without giving too much away or boring the readers. Your portrayal of fate was quite intriguing.
Storyline - 12/15
Nothing new. I've read of most of the scenarios (e.g. call from the hospital, field of flowers) in other fanfics, but you still managed to pull it off because each scene has a well-defined feel to it. The flashbacks had a lot of meaning and I actually got chills from reading some of the dialogue! For example, when Jonghun told Eunji that she was his miracle, I almost died, haha. I also thought the incorporation of the belief of angels added a nice touch to the story.
Story Flow - 15/15
Perfect! I didn't feel lost at any point and you smoothly incorporated the flashbacks which can be hard at times. Nicely done.
Character Development - 15/15
When reading most one-shots, it's hard for the reader to really feel close to the characters. However, I was able to understand both characters, especially Jonghun. You can tell he's someone who may joke around but cares deeply about the person he loves. Well done.
Descriptions - 8/10
Spotted lots of great descriptions even with the small details.
"The dark and light green grasses were swaying left and right; like they were welcoming her once again, telling her not to cry. The fresh breeze circled around her and enveloped her in a refreshing hug as she smiled brightly ahead of her."
I thought these two sentences were especially beautiful. However, there are many sentences in which you just state a description instead of showing us. Paint the picture yourself! For example,
"The music that was echoing around the auditorium was powerful and yet gentle"
could be written as
"The powerful yet gentle music echoed around the auditorium."
"They were outside, walking on the wet cement under the umbrella that was big enough for the two of them. There was barely anyone out in the streets due to the heavy raining and the fogginess in the streets. They were walking together, hands held tight against each other and footsteps in sync. It was a beautiful symphony created by the two; it was simple, yet menacing."
could be changed to
"Under the umbrella big enough for the two of them, they walked on the wet cement. Barely anyone was out on the streets due to the heavy rain and fog. They walked together, hands tightly held against each other with their footsteps in sync. The two created a beautiful symphony that was simple, yet menacing."
Notice how the second description seems to flow better? There's no need to keep using "There was" in your sentences.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 2/5
Spelling was pretty spot-on. However, I spotted many grammatical errors. One major problem was your usage of the semicolon (;). A semicolon can only be used if both the clause before and after it are independent. Many places where you used the semicolon, you could've just used the comma or linked both phrases with the word "and."
"But that was now all gone; disappeared into thin air within a blink of an eye.
should be
"But that was now all gone; it had disappeared into thin air within a blink of an eye."
Keeping Interest - 8/10
Like I said, not much is new but even if it weren't just for the sake of reviewing it, I'd still have read until the end.
Ending - 5/5
The ending was wonderfully written and didn't keep us hanging. Good to know she's letting herself free from the misery without replacing Jonghun's place in her heart. I love how you ended the one-shot with the engravements on his tombstone. It was very moving :)
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus points for touching my emotions to the point where I get chills. Not many stories can do that! A very enjoyable one-shot in general. Hope you can take the advice in this review and continue writing beautiful works (: Good luck!
Total - 88/100
Author: `shinee
Reviewed by maybeSammy
Title - 4/5
Although not incredibly unique, the title suits your story very well and has a nice ring to it. However, I feel like you could've taken a step forever. For example, you could've related the title to the piano song she played which plays a big role in Eunji's and Jonghun's relationship.
Appearance - 5/5
Outstanding poster and background! They are not only attractive, but related to your story as well.
Forewords - 9/10
The Forewords were beautifully written. I think they would've been even better if the entire thing was written in Eunji's POV. It suddenly changes from a voice describing Eunji's and Jonghun's relationship to Eunji speaking of it herself. Nevertheless, you did a good job in introducing the story without giving too much away or boring the readers. Your portrayal of fate was quite intriguing.
Storyline - 12/15
Nothing new. I've read of most of the scenarios (e.g. call from the hospital, field of flowers) in other fanfics, but you still managed to pull it off because each scene has a well-defined feel to it. The flashbacks had a lot of meaning and I actually got chills from reading some of the dialogue! For example, when Jonghun told Eunji that she was his miracle, I almost died, haha. I also thought the incorporation of the belief of angels added a nice touch to the story.
Story Flow - 15/15
Perfect! I didn't feel lost at any point and you smoothly incorporated the flashbacks which can be hard at times. Nicely done.
Character Development - 15/15
When reading most one-shots, it's hard for the reader to really feel close to the characters. However, I was able to understand both characters, especially Jonghun. You can tell he's someone who may joke around but cares deeply about the person he loves. Well done.
Descriptions - 8/10
Spotted lots of great descriptions even with the small details.
"The dark and light green grasses were swaying left and right; like they were welcoming her once again, telling her not to cry. The fresh breeze circled around her and enveloped her in a refreshing hug as she smiled brightly ahead of her."
I thought these two sentences were especially beautiful. However, there are many sentences in which you just state a description instead of showing us. Paint the picture yourself! For example,
"The music that was echoing around the auditorium was powerful and yet gentle"
could be written as
"The powerful yet gentle music echoed around the auditorium."
"They were outside, walking on the wet cement under the umbrella that was big enough for the two of them. There was barely anyone out in the streets due to the heavy raining and the fogginess in the streets. They were walking together, hands held tight against each other and footsteps in sync. It was a beautiful symphony created by the two; it was simple, yet menacing."
could be changed to
"Under the umbrella big enough for the two of them, they walked on the wet cement. Barely anyone was out on the streets due to the heavy rain and fog. They walked together, hands tightly held against each other with their footsteps in sync. The two created a beautiful symphony that was simple, yet menacing."
Notice how the second description seems to flow better? There's no need to keep using "There was" in your sentences.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 2/5
Spelling was pretty spot-on. However, I spotted many grammatical errors. One major problem was your usage of the semicolon (;). A semicolon can only be used if both the clause before and after it are independent. Many places where you used the semicolon, you could've just used the comma or linked both phrases with the word "and."
"But that was now all gone; disappeared into thin air within a blink of an eye.
should be
"But that was now all gone; it had disappeared into thin air within a blink of an eye."
Keeping Interest - 8/10
Like I said, not much is new but even if it weren't just for the sake of reviewing it, I'd still have read until the end.
Ending - 5/5
The ending was wonderfully written and didn't keep us hanging. Good to know she's letting herself free from the misery without replacing Jonghun's place in her heart. I love how you ended the one-shot with the engravements on his tombstone. It was very moving :)
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus points for touching my emotions to the point where I get chills. Not many stories can do that! A very enjoyable one-shot in general. Hope you can take the advice in this review and continue writing beautiful works (: Good luck!
Total - 88/100
Monday, August 16, 2010
Goodbye My Lover Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/4173/goodbye-my-lover-korean-romance-you-yunho
Author: lovefaith
Reviewed By: Hainexazien@Kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 3/5
Though the title could’ve been considered as suitable to the story, it was very common and not very likely to catch the eye of the reader when scrolling down a whole column full of stories. More creativity could’ve been put into it, and there must’ve been something else that was more suitable. I understand that it was used to set the theme of the story, as it was the title of the song you used in the story as well; I think you should’ve still put more thought into it. The title is the first thing that catches the readers’ attention, and if it’s overly used like this one, then most likely, the readers will just scroll past it to the next one. Overall though, it was good! Great job!
Appearance: 5/5
I usually mark this part on the poster and background, but since there wasn’t any; I marked it on the structure you have written the story in. It was really organized, and the transition from the story text right into the lyrics was easy to understand and didn’t ruin the appearance of the structure at all! Good Job!
Forewords: 6/10
How you organized the characters though wasn’t as attractive as how you have structured the story. You put ‘You, Jung YunHo.’ Which could’ve been seen as more organized if you put:
• You
• Jung YunHo
And possibly adding a description for the characters wouldn’t hurt. Though the description isn’t required, it gives the reader a brief idea of who the characters are, and it allows them know the characters more; to understand the storyline/ plot easier.
As well, the description you put down was more like an ‘Author’s Note’ where you would just express yourself. The description itself is for the story, and not for the ‘Author’s Note’ and since it’s put out there in the column along with title and posted with all the other stories, it’s also one of the main factors that could pull your readers in. If you just put your personal feelings and nothing about the story at all, then it wouldn’t really be a description box for the story. If you would like to add your feelings or thoughts into the description, then you’re more than free to put ‘Author’s Note’ under whatever Summary of the story, because you need that summary to pull the readers in. Though your forewords itself was short and brief, and though I would like more detail, it did sum up the whole story, so I didn’t deduct any points for that.
Storyline: 12/15
The storyline was actually quite good; I haven’t read much of these stories actually. I did take off points for how unrealistic the voice message from his girlfriend was. How could you possibly leave a voicemail knowing what he was going to say, and completely make out a conversation without knowing what he’d say? Does she just know him too well, or was it a coincidence? I didn’t quite understand. What else I didn’t get –maybe it was just me being slow—but is the girlfriend dead? You should try to stay as much to reality as possible, or make it somewhat as if it’s supposed to happen. This way, it wouldn’t surprise the readers when reading the story, or cause them to say how unbelievable the storyline is.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right. I knew just when there were flashbacks, and when it was in present time! Good Job!
Character Development: 14/15
I didn’t really learn much about Yunho himself other than the fact that his girlfriend possibly died, and he has resided too locking himself in his room to sulk about her. I could tell from that though that he really loves this person, and that he’s someone that cares a lot about love. Other than that though, Good Job!
Descriptions: 7/10
The vocabulary used to describe the objects or things were very plain, and you could’ve elaborated a lot more on what you talked about. I think that the story could’ve been a whole lot more descriptive. Descriptions allow the authors to imagine, and it creates an image in their mind that assists in understanding what is happening in the story more. Try to add more description and detail to your writings.
Correct Spelling Grammar: 5/5
I couldn’t find any spelling mistakes! Good Job! The grammar was alright as well! :)
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not sway while reading the story; you kept my interest the whole way! Good Job!
Ending: 3/5
I couldn’t quite understand the ending, and did she really die? I didn’t quite understand. Maybe it was because I was just slow, or you didn’t make it clear enough, but I did like the fact that he was getting over it and moving on :) Good Job!
Bonus Points: 5/5
Total: 85/100
I enjoyed reading your story! I hope I didn’t offend you in any way during this review, and I hope you use this as a guide for your future story writings! Though it was a little confusing, it did keep my attention throughout the whole time! Good Job! Have a great day and thank-you for requesting at Kiwi Flight! :)
Author: lovefaith
Reviewed By: Hainexazien@Kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 3/5
Though the title could’ve been considered as suitable to the story, it was very common and not very likely to catch the eye of the reader when scrolling down a whole column full of stories. More creativity could’ve been put into it, and there must’ve been something else that was more suitable. I understand that it was used to set the theme of the story, as it was the title of the song you used in the story as well; I think you should’ve still put more thought into it. The title is the first thing that catches the readers’ attention, and if it’s overly used like this one, then most likely, the readers will just scroll past it to the next one. Overall though, it was good! Great job!
Appearance: 5/5
I usually mark this part on the poster and background, but since there wasn’t any; I marked it on the structure you have written the story in. It was really organized, and the transition from the story text right into the lyrics was easy to understand and didn’t ruin the appearance of the structure at all! Good Job!
Forewords: 6/10
How you organized the characters though wasn’t as attractive as how you have structured the story. You put ‘You, Jung YunHo.’ Which could’ve been seen as more organized if you put:
• You
• Jung YunHo
And possibly adding a description for the characters wouldn’t hurt. Though the description isn’t required, it gives the reader a brief idea of who the characters are, and it allows them know the characters more; to understand the storyline/ plot easier.
As well, the description you put down was more like an ‘Author’s Note’ where you would just express yourself. The description itself is for the story, and not for the ‘Author’s Note’ and since it’s put out there in the column along with title and posted with all the other stories, it’s also one of the main factors that could pull your readers in. If you just put your personal feelings and nothing about the story at all, then it wouldn’t really be a description box for the story. If you would like to add your feelings or thoughts into the description, then you’re more than free to put ‘Author’s Note’ under whatever Summary of the story, because you need that summary to pull the readers in. Though your forewords itself was short and brief, and though I would like more detail, it did sum up the whole story, so I didn’t deduct any points for that.
Storyline: 12/15
The storyline was actually quite good; I haven’t read much of these stories actually. I did take off points for how unrealistic the voice message from his girlfriend was. How could you possibly leave a voicemail knowing what he was going to say, and completely make out a conversation without knowing what he’d say? Does she just know him too well, or was it a coincidence? I didn’t quite understand. What else I didn’t get –maybe it was just me being slow—but is the girlfriend dead? You should try to stay as much to reality as possible, or make it somewhat as if it’s supposed to happen. This way, it wouldn’t surprise the readers when reading the story, or cause them to say how unbelievable the storyline is.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right. I knew just when there were flashbacks, and when it was in present time! Good Job!
Character Development: 14/15
I didn’t really learn much about Yunho himself other than the fact that his girlfriend possibly died, and he has resided too locking himself in his room to sulk about her. I could tell from that though that he really loves this person, and that he’s someone that cares a lot about love. Other than that though, Good Job!
Descriptions: 7/10
The vocabulary used to describe the objects or things were very plain, and you could’ve elaborated a lot more on what you talked about. I think that the story could’ve been a whole lot more descriptive. Descriptions allow the authors to imagine, and it creates an image in their mind that assists in understanding what is happening in the story more. Try to add more description and detail to your writings.
Correct Spelling Grammar: 5/5
I couldn’t find any spelling mistakes! Good Job! The grammar was alright as well! :)
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not sway while reading the story; you kept my interest the whole way! Good Job!
Ending: 3/5
I couldn’t quite understand the ending, and did she really die? I didn’t quite understand. Maybe it was because I was just slow, or you didn’t make it clear enough, but I did like the fact that he was getting over it and moving on :) Good Job!
Bonus Points: 5/5
Total: 85/100
I enjoyed reading your story! I hope I didn’t offend you in any way during this review, and I hope you use this as a guide for your future story writings! Though it was a little confusing, it did keep my attention throughout the whole time! Good Job! Have a great day and thank-you for requesting at Kiwi Flight! :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Music is Life Review
Fanfic URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/ava_lava3/
Author: ava_lava
Reviewed by: myangelteuk
Title - 5/5
I like the title! It really fits with your story and how the characters lived. For some reason, though the title isn’t very eye-catching, I would still click on it.
Appearance - 4/5
I deducted a point because it kind of looked gloomy but it still looked nice. The background doesn’t interfere with the text so that’s good. I like the quote on the poster because in the story, music brought them all together.
Forewords - 10/10
You have everything that is needed to know about the story! I like that you put just a bit of a description about the characters rather than their whole personality because I think in a way, that would ruin the story.
Storyline - 15/15
Though the storyline is the same as other fanfics, you added something that other fics that has the same storyline that don’t. And that is music. For me, I really loved it! You also made it your own by adding things that other stories don’t. Which is the stink bomb!
Story Flow - 15/15
Not too fast or slow. Perfectly paced. Great job!
Character Development - 15/15
You developed the characters very well. Their personalities and persona matched and that’s really good. I think that you showed their personalities real well. That doesn’t often happen especially because this is an apply fic and also because sometimes people rush to get their applications in that they leave out certain details about themselves. I loved all of the characters personality.
Descriptions - 10/10
Very detailed and thorough.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 5/5
Nothing is spelled wrong. The grammar is good and the vocabulary is stretched. I think that’s really good. Your writing is style is very nice
Keeping Interest - 10/10
It was very interesting! I really wanted to know more! You got me hooked on the prologue.
Ending - 5/5
Very unpredictable especially the part where Airah gets to dance with her stalker. I loved the ending especially because it was Wednesday!
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus for Junior! Well not really, but I really really loved your story! It made me cried at the end because it was Wednesday on Jewel’s wedding! And also, because I am in the story! I will really miss the story so I hope you writing something like this again! Hwaiting and good luck with your other stories.
Total: 99/100
Author: ava_lava
Reviewed by: myangelteuk
Title - 5/5
I like the title! It really fits with your story and how the characters lived. For some reason, though the title isn’t very eye-catching, I would still click on it.
Appearance - 4/5
I deducted a point because it kind of looked gloomy but it still looked nice. The background doesn’t interfere with the text so that’s good. I like the quote on the poster because in the story, music brought them all together.
Forewords - 10/10
You have everything that is needed to know about the story! I like that you put just a bit of a description about the characters rather than their whole personality because I think in a way, that would ruin the story.
Storyline - 15/15
Though the storyline is the same as other fanfics, you added something that other fics that has the same storyline that don’t. And that is music. For me, I really loved it! You also made it your own by adding things that other stories don’t. Which is the stink bomb!
Story Flow - 15/15
Not too fast or slow. Perfectly paced. Great job!
Character Development - 15/15
You developed the characters very well. Their personalities and persona matched and that’s really good. I think that you showed their personalities real well. That doesn’t often happen especially because this is an apply fic and also because sometimes people rush to get their applications in that they leave out certain details about themselves. I loved all of the characters personality.
Descriptions - 10/10
Very detailed and thorough.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 5/5
Nothing is spelled wrong. The grammar is good and the vocabulary is stretched. I think that’s really good. Your writing is style is very nice
Keeping Interest - 10/10
It was very interesting! I really wanted to know more! You got me hooked on the prologue.
Ending - 5/5
Very unpredictable especially the part where Airah gets to dance with her stalker. I loved the ending especially because it was Wednesday!
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus for Junior! Well not really, but I really really loved your story! It made me cried at the end because it was Wednesday on Jewel’s wedding! And also, because I am in the story! I will really miss the story so I hope you writing something like this again! Hwaiting and good luck with your other stories.
Total: 99/100
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Bittersweet Review
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jaaayswife/
Author: mblaq10
Reviewed by: myangelteuk
Title - 3/5
The title fits your story well but that’s a pretty common title. When I first read the title, it actually gave out a mysterious feeling to it and it made me want to read your story. It's not very eye-catching but it's a nice title.
Appearance - 5/5
I like the poster and background! The background sometimes but not always, interferes with the text so I really couldn’t see it but it was fine because only the top part of the letters gets covered and I could still read it.
Forewords - 10/10
It has everything that the reader needs to know. When I first read the foreword, I thought it will be a good story because of the details that you put in.
Storyline - 14/15
I like it. It's creative and original. I loved the twist you put in! Especially the part where the nurse/doctor happened to be Ga In and that Yoseob actually worked for Taec!
Story Flow - 15/15
It was smooth. It wasn’t fast or slow. Good Job!
Character Development - 15/15
The characters were developed well! I really didn't think that Jo Kwon fits that bodyguard part in the beginning, but you showed that he could and that's cool!
Descriptions - 10/10
Very detailed and thorough.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 4/5
You have spelling errors here and there. But the most common mistake that you have is using ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ correctly.
Like in this sentence:
"Your a body guard, why would you be scared of me?" Yoesob asked as Jokwon laughed.
It should be:
“You’re a body guard, why would you be scared of me?” Yoseob asked as Jokwon laughed.
Also, since English is a language, it needs to be capitalized. I suggest that you read over each chapter you write for mistakes because you sometimes miss a word.
Keeping Interest - 10/10
I was very interested in the story! There was that certain something that keeps telling me to read more and more!
Ending - 5/5
I like how she got over Taec and is living happily with Yoseob. I also liked that she likes spaghetti in the end!
Bonus Points - 4/5
I like the knocking parts! I think that’s awesome!
Total: 95/100
Author: mblaq10
Reviewed by: myangelteuk
Title - 3/5
The title fits your story well but that’s a pretty common title. When I first read the title, it actually gave out a mysterious feeling to it and it made me want to read your story. It's not very eye-catching but it's a nice title.
Appearance - 5/5
I like the poster and background! The background sometimes but not always, interferes with the text so I really couldn’t see it but it was fine because only the top part of the letters gets covered and I could still read it.
Forewords - 10/10
It has everything that the reader needs to know. When I first read the foreword, I thought it will be a good story because of the details that you put in.
Storyline - 14/15
I like it. It's creative and original. I loved the twist you put in! Especially the part where the nurse/doctor happened to be Ga In and that Yoseob actually worked for Taec!
Story Flow - 15/15
It was smooth. It wasn’t fast or slow. Good Job!
Character Development - 15/15
The characters were developed well! I really didn't think that Jo Kwon fits that bodyguard part in the beginning, but you showed that he could and that's cool!
Descriptions - 10/10
Very detailed and thorough.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 4/5
You have spelling errors here and there. But the most common mistake that you have is using ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ correctly.
Like in this sentence:
"Your a body guard, why would you be scared of me?" Yoesob asked as Jokwon laughed.
It should be:
“You’re a body guard, why would you be scared of me?” Yoseob asked as Jokwon laughed.
Also, since English is a language, it needs to be capitalized. I suggest that you read over each chapter you write for mistakes because you sometimes miss a word.
Keeping Interest - 10/10
I was very interested in the story! There was that certain something that keeps telling me to read more and more!
Ending - 5/5
I like how she got over Taec and is living happily with Yoseob. I also liked that she likes spaghetti in the end!
Bonus Points - 4/5
I like the knocking parts! I think that’s awesome!
Total: 95/100
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Eye of Raven Review
Fanfic Url: http://pararaegala.blogspot.com/
Story Title: Eye of Raven
Author: Pararae
Reviewed by: Tammy
Title - 5/5 – Eye of Raven as a title sure does sound very interesting. It brings out the impact of the unknown, of course, just by the title itself and from what I can see from the atmosphere, it seems dark yet very fashionable. I although wondered of whether you have missed a word ‘the’ in there. But I suppose it is one of your flairs.
Appearance - 5/5 – I must say, the appearance and the organization of this fic is very decent. The poster or the heading really brought our more interest in my eyes. The bold colours and the choice of the images completely made the whole thing pop out from different prospects. I am very impressed.
Forewords - 8/10 – since this wasn’t one of those normal winglin accounts, I couldn’t tell whereabouts the forewords was. But then I’m just going to take the first part as the forewords. It is very detailed and you have added very crucial notes for the readers benefit. It shows that you have not only thought of the content, but you have also thought of the readers. Well done.
Storyline - 13/15 – The storyline completely blends in with the background of the whole story and it is very good! There is the mixture of thrill and action and a little bit of horror at times. It is one very engaging story and I wish you to keep up the great ideas.
Story Flow - 13/15 – The flow is smooth, everything was explained in detail and the actions were in depth. I just a got a little confused at times, nonetheless, everything was understandable and up to a great standard.
Character Development - 13/15 – you have shown well the character of Raven. She is a very bold, strong young woman who is up to anything, danger and killing and all that stuff. You have portrayed the other character well also, but I just thought that there were way too many characters for me to not get confused. Maybe you could’ve described other characters ever further so that I would know of what they are, it is better for me to imagine them not just physically but also personality wise.
Descriptions - 10/10 – as I have said before, everything is written in depth and full in description. Kudos to you.
Correct Spelling/Grammar - 4/5 – the spelling is great as I did not see much mistakes in there, but as for the grammar, I have seen a few. I’m sure you have realized this through the other reviews you have been given, but I still just want to point it out to you for a better turnout for the other fics.
Keeping Interest - 10/10 – you have sure kept my interest into reading this fic, hence the fact that it took a while for me to do this review. Although it is not yet finished, I do hope to see the upcoming ones.
Ending - 3/5 – I can’t give you a proper grade on this one as it is not yet finished because it says ‘to be continued’ but you have sure done well through the cliff-hanger part.
Bonus Points - 5/5
Total - 89/100
Sunday, April 25, 2010
ABC Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ABCMO/
Fanfic Title: ABC
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewer: Hainexazien@kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 4/5
I couldn’t find a better reason for the title that you have put. The title did suit the story, but it could’ve been more suitable if it was another title. It would’ve caught my interest though if I was scrolling through the stories on Winglin.
Appearance: 3/5
I really liked the background color, and it was somewhat new to me. The font though (from the poster) really annoyed me of it’s really bolded appearance. I think that the poster didn’t really suit the story, because other than the quote on it (Which I found really suitable) I couldn’t find anything else on that poster that would tell me anything about your story. What I really didn’t understand though, was the water on the poster. In the whole story, there wasn’t once that water appeared –so why is it on your poster? The font color as easy to read, and I had no difficulties reading it.
Forewords: 7/10
You had descriptions of the main characters, and you also stated the themes of you story –Which I really liked. Though usually, it would’ve appealed more to me if there was a prologue or a preview. Prologues help drag readers to the story, and help keep their attention. So I recommend you do that for your next story.
Storyline: 12/15
I loved it, and it was not really common for fanfics. I also liked the twist a lot in the –somewhat—ending. Though it was a play, I never did quite understand how Jung Hoon caught his eye on Won Yeon. He said that he’s been noticing her for a year, and has liked her because of her strong personality, but he never talked to her. Not even once during that one year… It seems kind of ironic to me that it would happen that fast, and that he’d confess like right there when he finally got the chance to talk to her.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right, and wasn’t too rushed. Not once did I get lost during the story! Good Job!
Character Development: 15/15
The characters were actually developed quite well. Good Job!
Descriptions: 8/10
You could’ve been more descriptive in some parts of the story, but overall –it was pretty good!
Correct Spelling and Grammar: 4/5
'I could place any faith or trust in any rich people, especially one like Jung Hoon.' Did you mean that you couldn't place any faith or trust in rich people? Just a little mistake that people usually make; nothing to be too much worried about.
‘“Shut up, Kim Jung Eun! Young Won Yeon is so many times better than you with your irritating foul mouth! I love Han Ji Yeon! I want her to be my girlfriend! She is the only one for me! Yes, I drove her to school today! I had set my eyes on her! She is not the ugly duckling, you fool! She is my dearest princess, with her excellent personality, unlike you!”’ I didn’t quite get what you were trying to say in this part. Did you mean Young Won Yeon instead of Han Ji Yeon?
A few mistakes here and there, no biggie =D
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not turn my attention away from the story at all =D Good job!
Ending: 5/5
Loved the ending!
Bonus 5/5
Total: 88/100
I really enjoyed reading your story! Good Job! I honestly really love the twists you put in your stories! Keep it up! Thank-you for choosing Kiwi Flight!
Fanfic Title: ABC
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewer: Hainexazien@kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 4/5
I couldn’t find a better reason for the title that you have put. The title did suit the story, but it could’ve been more suitable if it was another title. It would’ve caught my interest though if I was scrolling through the stories on Winglin.
Appearance: 3/5
I really liked the background color, and it was somewhat new to me. The font though (from the poster) really annoyed me of it’s really bolded appearance. I think that the poster didn’t really suit the story, because other than the quote on it (Which I found really suitable) I couldn’t find anything else on that poster that would tell me anything about your story. What I really didn’t understand though, was the water on the poster. In the whole story, there wasn’t once that water appeared –so why is it on your poster? The font color as easy to read, and I had no difficulties reading it.
Forewords: 7/10
You had descriptions of the main characters, and you also stated the themes of you story –Which I really liked. Though usually, it would’ve appealed more to me if there was a prologue or a preview. Prologues help drag readers to the story, and help keep their attention. So I recommend you do that for your next story.
Storyline: 12/15
I loved it, and it was not really common for fanfics. I also liked the twist a lot in the –somewhat—ending. Though it was a play, I never did quite understand how Jung Hoon caught his eye on Won Yeon. He said that he’s been noticing her for a year, and has liked her because of her strong personality, but he never talked to her. Not even once during that one year… It seems kind of ironic to me that it would happen that fast, and that he’d confess like right there when he finally got the chance to talk to her.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right, and wasn’t too rushed. Not once did I get lost during the story! Good Job!
Character Development: 15/15
The characters were actually developed quite well. Good Job!
Descriptions: 8/10
You could’ve been more descriptive in some parts of the story, but overall –it was pretty good!
Correct Spelling and Grammar: 4/5
'I could place any faith or trust in any rich people, especially one like Jung Hoon.' Did you mean that you couldn't place any faith or trust in rich people? Just a little mistake that people usually make; nothing to be too much worried about.
‘“Shut up, Kim Jung Eun! Young Won Yeon is so many times better than you with your irritating foul mouth! I love Han Ji Yeon! I want her to be my girlfriend! She is the only one for me! Yes, I drove her to school today! I had set my eyes on her! She is not the ugly duckling, you fool! She is my dearest princess, with her excellent personality, unlike you!”’ I didn’t quite get what you were trying to say in this part. Did you mean Young Won Yeon instead of Han Ji Yeon?
A few mistakes here and there, no biggie =D
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not turn my attention away from the story at all =D Good job!
Ending: 5/5
Loved the ending!
Bonus 5/5
Total: 88/100
I really enjoyed reading your story! Good Job! I honestly really love the twists you put in your stories! Keep it up! Thank-you for choosing Kiwi Flight!
Figment Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_tm_Figment/
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewer: Hainexazien@kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 4/5
I loved the title of the story, and it suited your story really well! Though if I were looking for stories on winglin, your title wouldn’t have been one that I would have clicked on; even though it suited your story well, it still needs to attract attention.
Appearance: 4/5
The poster was really beautiful, but it held no quotes or anything that told me anything about your story at all. The font would sometimes mix with the background, but other than that, good job!
Forewords: 8/10
I liked how you wrote previews and the credits in your forewords, but it would’ve been better if you would’ve added a bit more detail into the forewords, rather than just words and words. But overall, it was quite a good foreword.
Storyline: 10/15
The storyline was actually quite common, other than the little twist in the end in how you made it all into a figment. Try to add more detail into your story, and things that happen to make it more unique and different than the stories out there with the same plot.
Story Flow: 11/15
The story flowed quite fast in the beginning and it went from being strangers to lovers in merely one sentence. It reminded me of the ‘3 year later’ concept where you’ll just write 3 years later, and there’s no need to write anymore that’s happening. But the flows that it eventually developed in the last two chapters were great. Though when he disappeared and she jumped after him, it kind of confused me.
Character Development: 13/15
The characters were developed really well, as in TaeMin’s personality and our personality was developed very well. Though as I ready, I often didn’t get what EunJae was thinking –the way she was acting. You could’ve put a bit more detail into it.
Descriptions: 8/10
You were often not very descriptive. It could be improved; though you did use really unique words, and I awarded you points for that.
Correct Spelling and Grammar: 4/5
I found no spelling mistakes when reading the story, though many of the sentences in your story was choppy.
Keeping Interest: 10/10
The story kept my interest during most of the story, so perfect for that!
Ending: 5/5
I really liked the twist in the end, and it really surprised me.
Bonus: 5/5
Good Job! I really enjoyed reading your story and the little twist in the end. Just add a little more detail and it’ll be perfect! Thank-you for requesting at kiwi-flight!
Total: 82/100
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewer: Hainexazien@kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 4/5
I loved the title of the story, and it suited your story really well! Though if I were looking for stories on winglin, your title wouldn’t have been one that I would have clicked on; even though it suited your story well, it still needs to attract attention.
Appearance: 4/5
The poster was really beautiful, but it held no quotes or anything that told me anything about your story at all. The font would sometimes mix with the background, but other than that, good job!
Forewords: 8/10
I liked how you wrote previews and the credits in your forewords, but it would’ve been better if you would’ve added a bit more detail into the forewords, rather than just words and words. But overall, it was quite a good foreword.
Storyline: 10/15
The storyline was actually quite common, other than the little twist in the end in how you made it all into a figment. Try to add more detail into your story, and things that happen to make it more unique and different than the stories out there with the same plot.
Story Flow: 11/15
The story flowed quite fast in the beginning and it went from being strangers to lovers in merely one sentence. It reminded me of the ‘3 year later’ concept where you’ll just write 3 years later, and there’s no need to write anymore that’s happening. But the flows that it eventually developed in the last two chapters were great. Though when he disappeared and she jumped after him, it kind of confused me.
Character Development: 13/15
The characters were developed really well, as in TaeMin’s personality and our personality was developed very well. Though as I ready, I often didn’t get what EunJae was thinking –the way she was acting. You could’ve put a bit more detail into it.
Descriptions: 8/10
You were often not very descriptive. It could be improved; though you did use really unique words, and I awarded you points for that.
Correct Spelling and Grammar: 4/5
I found no spelling mistakes when reading the story, though many of the sentences in your story was choppy.
Keeping Interest: 10/10
The story kept my interest during most of the story, so perfect for that!
Ending: 5/5
I really liked the twist in the end, and it really surprised me.
Bonus: 5/5
Good Job! I really enjoyed reading your story and the little twist in the end. Just add a little more detail and it’ll be perfect! Thank-you for requesting at kiwi-flight!
Total: 82/100
Saturday, April 24, 2010
-->im inlove with my bestfriend!<-- Review
Fanfic Url:http://winglin.net/fanfic/sirius/
Author: sung_min
Reviewed by: weepingangel
Author: sung_min
Reviewed by: weepingangel
Title - 4/5
The title already gives me an idea on to what the story is all about.
Appearance - 5/5
the color of the poster is not too bright and easy on the eyes. the poster is also nicely made.
Forewords - 6/10
the forewords just gave what is expected on the story. you could have given us a teaser on what will happen with the story, like a certain scene that will happen or a certain excerpt from one of the chapters
Storyline - 11/15
i've read too many best friend stories in winglin. but your story somehow had a twist in some way because from the very start, the two characters are already in love with each other.
Story Flow - 12/15
There are some parts in the story that are fast. You could be more details on some scenes in the story.
Character Development - 13/15
Good work on giving us details regarding the characters at the very start of the story.
Descriptions - 9/10
I can imagine myself as the leading lady of the story, which is a good thing :)
Correct spelling and grammar - 3/5
there are some misspelled and misused words, which made me confusesd. there are also some grammatical errors. try to double check the words that you are using.
Keeping Interest - 7/10
So far, you got me interested in the story. I love best friend stories, so consider me as your new reader :)
Ending - 0/5
Lets skip this part, since it's not yet complete, all right :)
Bonus Points - 3/5
1 point for making the reader as the lead of the story
2 points for always replying to your readers :)
Total: 70/95
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Fabric Magic Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_onew_FM/
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewed by: Tammy
Title - 5/5 – The title you have used is very interesting to my eyes, who would ever think ofsomething such as ‘Fabric Magic’? At first I thought it was some sort of fairy story but you completely changed my ideas around.
Appearance - 8/5 – The images used for the poster is really cute, especially the one of Onew. Also, the fact that you described what he was wearing in the poster, in the chapter itself was genius. I bet that no one noticed how you made that link; it is a very effective one that can have the readers actually sees the image you were showing through a real image. I am in love with the connections you make here, such as the fabric being purple and the background and poster being either very light purple or violet. There is another flower in here that is being emphasized.
Forewords - 10/10 – I’m going to say the same in what I said in my other review for you for Flair & Fleur & Key. You can just go read it again.
Storyline - 14/15 – I don’t know what else to say as I think I have said most of it in the other fic. You have such great ideas, most of them being so original. I have never read anything like this before.
Story Flow - 13/15: And... The same again. I really wished that it would have lasted a little longer. But nonetheless, you have portrayed enough information for the readers to understand.
Character Development - 15/15 – you have showed the clear difference in the spirit Jinki and the live Onew without me having to ask any questions. The advantage being Jinki having a screen name of Onew.
Descriptions - 9/10 – Also the same with the other review. Everything is clear and there were no hang ups. You left nothing out and it was well structured.
Correct spelling and grammar - 4/5 – I saw some typos in here that of which I am sure you didn’t mean to do. I make them too, it’s like when you think too fast but you’re typing it wrong. Better to double check next time.
Keeping Interest - 10/10 – I, for one, am very interested in the turn out of every chapter and the following stories connected to it.
Ending - 4/5 – Although I knew ‘Jinki’ is already dead and is nothing but a mere spirit, I was still driven to tears when he disappeared to go to heaven. But of course, it’s all good because Onew’s there.
Bonus Points - 5/5 – Your one of my favourite authors. Keep up the good work.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Flair Fleur and Key Review
Fanfic Url: http://winglin.net/fanfic/sss_key_FFK
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewed by: Tammy
Title - 5/5 - Flair Fleur and Key as a title is a one of kind story headline that grasped my eyes almost immediately. I could automatically tell that it would be an interesting story along with its originality. I have not seen a title like this before in my frequent search for fanfictions so yours totally made an impact.
Appearance - 4/5 - The poster is also absolutely beautiful. It has good use of contrast and the colours are not overdone. It is fair and neutral. The pictures used for the poster are well picked, Key looks adorable in his pose that can hint his behaviour in the fic; fun and bubbly. The girl as a contrast makes it more interesting as she has a funky-type seriousness look in her that clues that she will be the hard to get person. There is an uproar the pleases my eyes even more is the bright sunflower. Not only because Yellow is my favourite colour, but because it stands out amongst the rest, it is cute and large without having to distract anyone form their reading. I also adore the font, it looks vintage yet spontaneous. The one thing that confuses me is the background, what exactly is the purpose of the cute little angels?
Forewords - 9/10 - The forewords consists of mutual information that is crucial to keep the readers reading your short story. Some of them are even just extras to make it more interesting, like the Definitions. I am glad that you have added that kind of feature in your forewords as most of fanfiction writers have English as their second language and it would help them to understand a little better. Along with the Inspiration, it gives ideas to readers on how to get ideas from and jot them down for a much better turnout. The teasers you've used totally got me at the edge of my seat and had my finger aching to click and read the first chapter. I got confused at first but that was the beauty of it.
Storyline - 14/15 - I definitely love the storyline, it is unique and has its own flavour. Like it says on the forewords, it is not a typical story and you were exactly right. I love the idea of Key being a graffiti artist and the character that 'I' play which is Won Eun Na reaches out to him and seeks for some of his knowledge. It is a cute way to start a friendship and definitely an adorable way to start a love life. The fact that you have used a name to play the reader and avoided the annoying squiggly lines for empty names is a plus, I hate those lines, so annoying. Although it may sound a little plain, it would've been better if you added a little more twist in there, maybe when Eun Na found out that Key was going to propose to someone else, she decides to actually move on and find another man, until she finds out it was actually her that he wanted to marry. I know you've already done that in a way, but I'm talking about actually bringing another man in life there, someone with her, hugging her for comfort or planting a kiss on her lips when she wasn't prepared. I don't know, but I suppose you don't have much chapters in the first place so the plot you currently have is great as it is.
Story Flow - 13/15 - Although it is only a short story, every single detail is well written at its own pace as well, no information was rushed and it was also well described. But, I would've been happier if it dragged on a bit.
Character Development - 15/15 - There were not many characters but you have showed clearly of the change of Key's behaviour through the path of life that Key has chosen, once was a graffiti artist in the streets, but until he met her, his life completely changed and he decided to use his talent for good. The girl was mentioned as a very unfashionable person and when Key came, she became more aware of her clothing, always keeping in mind of what Key has told her. In a way, they were both an inspiration to one another.
Descriptions - 9/10 - I have no idea you have put a lot of description in such a short story but it is your talent that must not be put to waste. I could clearly imagine where everything was set and had a clear image of what the people were wearing and how they spoke. Everything as in order.
Correct spelling and grammar - 5/5 - I have not seen mistakes in your grammar nor your spelling. Along with the vocabulary. You have used meaningful big words to make the writing a little more readable. Your tenses are also well placed from the present to the past.
Keeping Interest - 9/10: You have definitely grasped my eyes into reading your 3 chapters and was very happy with the result. They got married and lived happily ever after. The idea you had about the see-through ring with graffiti writings inside got me tempted into having my future boyfriend to make one for me otherwise I won't accept him. I'm joking, but I do hope that it will be as sweet as this one, being a unique person myself, I want something that would separate me from my friends boring old diamonds. After all, what you have done with your hard work always pays off.
Ending - 5/5 - As I have said before, I loved the ending. It is a usual ending for such a dramatic fic like this but it was rather interesting with the personalized rings. I would love to marry someone like Key and you have convinced me to think so.
Bonus Points - 5/5 - For what it's worth, I am one of your silent readers and I have read this before as well as your other short fics. Great Job.
Total - 93/100
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewed by: Tammy
Title - 5/5 - Flair Fleur and Key as a title is a one of kind story headline that grasped my eyes almost immediately. I could automatically tell that it would be an interesting story along with its originality. I have not seen a title like this before in my frequent search for fanfictions so yours totally made an impact.
Appearance - 4/5 - The poster is also absolutely beautiful. It has good use of contrast and the colours are not overdone. It is fair and neutral. The pictures used for the poster are well picked, Key looks adorable in his pose that can hint his behaviour in the fic; fun and bubbly. The girl as a contrast makes it more interesting as she has a funky-type seriousness look in her that clues that she will be the hard to get person. There is an uproar the pleases my eyes even more is the bright sunflower. Not only because Yellow is my favourite colour, but because it stands out amongst the rest, it is cute and large without having to distract anyone form their reading. I also adore the font, it looks vintage yet spontaneous. The one thing that confuses me is the background, what exactly is the purpose of the cute little angels?
Forewords - 9/10 - The forewords consists of mutual information that is crucial to keep the readers reading your short story. Some of them are even just extras to make it more interesting, like the Definitions. I am glad that you have added that kind of feature in your forewords as most of fanfiction writers have English as their second language and it would help them to understand a little better. Along with the Inspiration, it gives ideas to readers on how to get ideas from and jot them down for a much better turnout. The teasers you've used totally got me at the edge of my seat and had my finger aching to click and read the first chapter. I got confused at first but that was the beauty of it.
Storyline - 14/15 - I definitely love the storyline, it is unique and has its own flavour. Like it says on the forewords, it is not a typical story and you were exactly right. I love the idea of Key being a graffiti artist and the character that 'I' play which is Won Eun Na reaches out to him and seeks for some of his knowledge. It is a cute way to start a friendship and definitely an adorable way to start a love life. The fact that you have used a name to play the reader and avoided the annoying squiggly lines for empty names is a plus, I hate those lines, so annoying. Although it may sound a little plain, it would've been better if you added a little more twist in there, maybe when Eun Na found out that Key was going to propose to someone else, she decides to actually move on and find another man, until she finds out it was actually her that he wanted to marry. I know you've already done that in a way, but I'm talking about actually bringing another man in life there, someone with her, hugging her for comfort or planting a kiss on her lips when she wasn't prepared. I don't know, but I suppose you don't have much chapters in the first place so the plot you currently have is great as it is.
Story Flow - 13/15 - Although it is only a short story, every single detail is well written at its own pace as well, no information was rushed and it was also well described. But, I would've been happier if it dragged on a bit.
Character Development - 15/15 - There were not many characters but you have showed clearly of the change of Key's behaviour through the path of life that Key has chosen, once was a graffiti artist in the streets, but until he met her, his life completely changed and he decided to use his talent for good. The girl was mentioned as a very unfashionable person and when Key came, she became more aware of her clothing, always keeping in mind of what Key has told her. In a way, they were both an inspiration to one another.
Descriptions - 9/10 - I have no idea you have put a lot of description in such a short story but it is your talent that must not be put to waste. I could clearly imagine where everything was set and had a clear image of what the people were wearing and how they spoke. Everything as in order.
Correct spelling and grammar - 5/5 - I have not seen mistakes in your grammar nor your spelling. Along with the vocabulary. You have used meaningful big words to make the writing a little more readable. Your tenses are also well placed from the present to the past.
Keeping Interest - 9/10: You have definitely grasped my eyes into reading your 3 chapters and was very happy with the result. They got married and lived happily ever after. The idea you had about the see-through ring with graffiti writings inside got me tempted into having my future boyfriend to make one for me otherwise I won't accept him. I'm joking, but I do hope that it will be as sweet as this one, being a unique person myself, I want something that would separate me from my friends boring old diamonds. After all, what you have done with your hard work always pays off.
Ending - 5/5 - As I have said before, I loved the ending. It is a usual ending for such a dramatic fic like this but it was rather interesting with the personalized rings. I would love to marry someone like Key and you have convinced me to think so.
Bonus Points - 5/5 - For what it's worth, I am one of your silent readers and I have read this before as well as your other short fics. Great Job.
Total - 93/100
Sunday, April 4, 2010
An Eye through My Heart, for the Sight of You Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/bj_phebs/
Author: Phoebe a.k.a. Phebs
Reviewed by: maybeSammy
Title - 5/5
Your title is very unique and I just love the way it sounds when I read it. I can see how it reflects upon the story as they use their hearts to see each other as opposed to using their eyes.
Appearance - 5/5
Gorgeous poster. The colors are beautiful and I love the quote you used on the poster.
Forewords - 9/10
We gain insight on the story and learn the reason for Jaejoong's blindness. Good intro to the story.
Storyline - 9/15
Honestly, your story was a little confusing to read. I wasn't exactly happy that it all turned out being a dream especially since the dream lasted quite a few chapters long. The readers will most likely forget where the couple had left off. It also feels like we didn't get to read much of what happenned between BoA and Jaejoong for them to develop their loving relationship.
Story Flow - 9/15
How is Jaejoong so angry at BoA for her conversation with Minho that just a little later, he's chasing her and telling her how deeply he loves her? Also, Minho's confession totally happenned out of the blue.
Character Development - 8/15
It is somewhat confusing when I think of the characters. I know it was just a dream but no matter how tempted he was, would Jaejoong still take it that far with Nicole? It causes the readers to wonder if he's actually that in love with BoA. It also would've been nice if BoA had made a clean cut with Minho before getting together with Jaejoong
Descriptions - 10/10
Your descriptions are lovely. I can totally imagine each scene playing in front of my eyes as I read.
Correct spelling and grammar - 3/5
Your grammar is very off in some places. However, it's nothing the reader can't get around.
Keeping Interest - 8/10
Although they are typical scenes in dramas and fanfics, BoA's pregnancy and Nicole's evil scheme were definitely good turning points for your story.
Ending - 3/5
Once again, I think your story would've turn out much better if you had continued on from BoA's accident instead of making it all a dream. However, I must say I loved the scene with Jaejun and Bokju.
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus points for mentioning Henry, Liyin, and Nicole (some of my favorites), and also for the adorable ending with Jaejun's whistle!
Total - 74/100
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings in this review but I really tried to be as honest as possible. Your main problem lies in the Character Development category. You have to be so familiar and set on your character's personality's that if I were to give your character a situation, you'd be able to tell me what (s)he would do. Hopefully, this review can help you in the future. Good luck!
Author: Phoebe a.k.a. Phebs
Reviewed by: maybeSammy
Title - 5/5
Your title is very unique and I just love the way it sounds when I read it. I can see how it reflects upon the story as they use their hearts to see each other as opposed to using their eyes.
Appearance - 5/5
Gorgeous poster. The colors are beautiful and I love the quote you used on the poster.
Forewords - 9/10
We gain insight on the story and learn the reason for Jaejoong's blindness. Good intro to the story.
Storyline - 9/15
Honestly, your story was a little confusing to read. I wasn't exactly happy that it all turned out being a dream especially since the dream lasted quite a few chapters long. The readers will most likely forget where the couple had left off. It also feels like we didn't get to read much of what happenned between BoA and Jaejoong for them to develop their loving relationship.
Story Flow - 9/15
How is Jaejoong so angry at BoA for her conversation with Minho that just a little later, he's chasing her and telling her how deeply he loves her? Also, Minho's confession totally happenned out of the blue.
Character Development - 8/15
It is somewhat confusing when I think of the characters. I know it was just a dream but no matter how tempted he was, would Jaejoong still take it that far with Nicole? It causes the readers to wonder if he's actually that in love with BoA. It also would've been nice if BoA had made a clean cut with Minho before getting together with Jaejoong
Descriptions - 10/10
Your descriptions are lovely. I can totally imagine each scene playing in front of my eyes as I read.
Correct spelling and grammar - 3/5
Your grammar is very off in some places. However, it's nothing the reader can't get around.
Keeping Interest - 8/10
Although they are typical scenes in dramas and fanfics, BoA's pregnancy and Nicole's evil scheme were definitely good turning points for your story.
Ending - 3/5
Once again, I think your story would've turn out much better if you had continued on from BoA's accident instead of making it all a dream. However, I must say I loved the scene with Jaejun and Bokju.
Bonus Points - 5/5
Bonus points for mentioning Henry, Liyin, and Nicole (some of my favorites), and also for the adorable ending with Jaejun's whistle!
Total - 74/100
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings in this review but I really tried to be as honest as possible. Your main problem lies in the Character Development category. You have to be so familiar and set on your character's personality's that if I were to give your character a situation, you'd be able to tell me what (s)he would do. Hopefully, this review can help you in the future. Good luck!
Love Hurts Review
Fanfic URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/aying_2
Author: aying`
Reviewed by: Afhilangie
Title - 3/5 Sounds like a song to me. You should come up with a better idea because the readers usually scan through the titles and it doesn't seem really interesting at all.
Appearance - 4/5 The picture was nice. The color was dark and gloomy, fits the story well. What I really didn't like is the rectangular box. Brushings and featherings mostly complement the poster.
Forewords - 7/10 It was detailed well though the prologue didn't say much of it. Even the introduction of characters are too bland. You should include their personalities as well.
Storyline - 13/15 A typical storyline. The guy was in love with his fiance's best friend and was stuck with an arranged marriage. The twist about the guy leading others to his death was unexpected though. I was surprised to know that he's alive and went back to the one he truly loves.
Story Flow -15/15 The flow was a bit fast but I would consider it because it's a one shot story.
Character Development - 13/15 It seemed that the story was focused mainly on Yoo Chun and Aisha. I know it was a love triangle but Jessica got into the picture at the beginning only. You should add some traits and characteristics of her to spice up the love triangle she's involved with.
Descriptions - 7/10 No definite description about the place or anything in particular. You switched from places to places but the only thing that stuck on my mind was Aisha's place and her flying back to New York where they first met.
Correct spelling and grammar - 4/5 Quite a few mistakes but can be fixed easily.
Keeping Interest - 7/10 To tell you honestly, I don't like sad stories. Makes me depressed and annoyed at the same time, knowing that an author can do something about it and create a nice mood for the story to be enjoyable. Well, that's just my opinion. I know that all of your readers love the stories you created.
Ending - 3/5 *Jaw dropped* Yoo Chun came back in an instant without a single word? A big no, no for me! Not the ending I was expecting.
Bonus Points - 3/5 One point for requesting at Kiwi Flight. One point for Yoo Chun because he chose the one he loves. Another point for creating a happy ending.
Total - 79/100
04/04/10
Author: aying`
Reviewed by: Afhilangie
Title - 3/5 Sounds like a song to me. You should come up with a better idea because the readers usually scan through the titles and it doesn't seem really interesting at all.
Appearance - 4/5 The picture was nice. The color was dark and gloomy, fits the story well. What I really didn't like is the rectangular box. Brushings and featherings mostly complement the poster.
Forewords - 7/10 It was detailed well though the prologue didn't say much of it. Even the introduction of characters are too bland. You should include their personalities as well.
Storyline - 13/15 A typical storyline. The guy was in love with his fiance's best friend and was stuck with an arranged marriage. The twist about the guy leading others to his death was unexpected though. I was surprised to know that he's alive and went back to the one he truly loves.
Story Flow -15/15 The flow was a bit fast but I would consider it because it's a one shot story.
Character Development - 13/15 It seemed that the story was focused mainly on Yoo Chun and Aisha. I know it was a love triangle but Jessica got into the picture at the beginning only. You should add some traits and characteristics of her to spice up the love triangle she's involved with.
Descriptions - 7/10 No definite description about the place or anything in particular. You switched from places to places but the only thing that stuck on my mind was Aisha's place and her flying back to New York where they first met.
Correct spelling and grammar - 4/5 Quite a few mistakes but can be fixed easily.
Keeping Interest - 7/10 To tell you honestly, I don't like sad stories. Makes me depressed and annoyed at the same time, knowing that an author can do something about it and create a nice mood for the story to be enjoyable. Well, that's just my opinion. I know that all of your readers love the stories you created.
Ending - 3/5 *Jaw dropped* Yoo Chun came back in an instant without a single word? A big no, no for me! Not the ending I was expecting.
Bonus Points - 3/5 One point for requesting at Kiwi Flight. One point for Yoo Chun because he chose the one he loves. Another point for creating a happy ending.
Total - 79/100
04/04/10
Friday, April 2, 2010
Fate's Call Review
Fan Fic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_mh_FC/
Author: th1rd3ye
Reviewer: weepingangel
Title - 5/5
The title really matched up with the plot of the story. Without reading the story yet, it gave me an idea as to how the story will go
Appearance - 5/5
I love the background color, not too bright for a shade of pink. I also like how you put a phone booth on it.
Forewords - 8/10
Though this is a short story, you still managed to give us an overview of how the story goes, and why it's called Fate's call. I like the part that you gave a definition for fate and call. It's also goo that you gave us a background on the characters of the story.
Storyline - 13/15
I've read this kind of story before, but the twist on it made it different. Who would ever thought that Min Eun's sister would turn out to be Min Ho, the guy that Yeong Lin randomly called to rant about her ex-bf. I thought that they would meet the usual way, like through friends, or they will bump into each other, but I was wrong. I also like how you gave the hint that Min Ho fell in love with her, though I'm not quite sure if he fell in love with her at first sght or at first call. So, good job for making that twist.
Story Flow - 13/15
The pacing is good so far, but I would have appreciated it if you elaborated on certain main events, like the call Yeong Lin made, how they got closer, and what happened after Min Ho called Mr. Jerk.
Character Development - 13/15
I was able to get a background of the characters right from the forewords, and as the story went on, you were able to give us a much bigger picture about them.
Descriptions - 8/10
You described the situation well, as well as the character's feelings. It made me feel that I am really part of the story.
Correct spelling and grammar - 3/5
I've seen some grammatical errors and some mispelled words,
Keeping Interest - 8/10
I'm not used to reading fan fics with Kpop artists on it, but reading the title itself made me look forward to it. Good thing this one is already completed, or else I would have been bugging you to update :D
Ending - 4/5
It was a cliffhnger. i wanted to know what happened after Min Ho called Mr. Jerk.
Bonus Points - 2/5
1 point for the subtitle of the chapters. [T][R][E][A][T]
1 point for completing it
Total = 82/100
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Fumed Firefly Without Ashes Review
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_jh_FFWA
Author: th1rd3ye
Revied by: Afhilangie
Title - 4/5
The title sounds very deep and serious. Interesting. But I guess, the other readers who scan through winglin will predict it's a tragic story.
Appearance - 5/5
The poster and background was eye-catching. The colors were not too bland nor too rich. It matched the fanfic well. Good job. Credits to the designer.
Forewords - 7/10
You detailed the forewords nicely but the preview of the story, which is the most important in this section wasn't describe well. Then, I really disagree with you posting the preview of your next story right at the first page of your fanfic! What if a SHINee fan love Hong Ki more than Jong Hyun?(Which I really doubt. Teehee!) They would just ignore this fanfic and wait for Hong Ki's story to surface. Write them at the last chapter or the end of your fanfic.
Storyline - 13/15
Very nice storyline. Pardon me for not giving you a perfect score though. I just hate sad endings. I was on the edge of my seat when you suddenly stopped right when Hong Ki was about to tell his story! Why do you have to put it on another fanfic? Rawr!(Just kiddin')
Story Flow -15/15
The flow is right on track. Not too fast nor too slow. Well done.
Character Development - 13/15
I was confused on the first chapter of the story. You used Jong Hyun as the first person view then suddenly you changed to Hong Ki then went back to Jong Hyun. The characteristics was described well and no doubt about it.
Descriptions - 8/10
I can imagine the cafe that Jong Hyun went into. Nice settings, even the flashbacks where he imagined about him and Ga Tong was amazing. Perfectly described.
Correct spelling and grammar - 4/5
Quite a few mistakes but can be fixed easily. Better to re-read the story before posting.
Keeping Interest - 8/10
At first, when I knew I was going to do a review for kpop fanfic, I said to myself, I'm going to be biased with the writer. But then, first impression never last. The story was interesting and I'm looking forward to Hong Ki's story!
Ending - 3/5
Cliffhanger! Hmmp.
Bonus Points - 3/5
One point for hanging me in the air waiting for Hong Ki's side of story.
One point for requesting at Kiwi Flight.
Another point for accomplishing the first fanfic here at Kiwi Flight! Yay!
Total - 83/100
Author: th1rd3ye
Revied by: Afhilangie
Title - 4/5
The title sounds very deep and serious. Interesting. But I guess, the other readers who scan through winglin will predict it's a tragic story.
Appearance - 5/5
The poster and background was eye-catching. The colors were not too bland nor too rich. It matched the fanfic well. Good job. Credits to the designer.
Forewords - 7/10
You detailed the forewords nicely but the preview of the story, which is the most important in this section wasn't describe well. Then, I really disagree with you posting the preview of your next story right at the first page of your fanfic! What if a SHINee fan love Hong Ki more than Jong Hyun?(Which I really doubt. Teehee!) They would just ignore this fanfic and wait for Hong Ki's story to surface. Write them at the last chapter or the end of your fanfic.
Storyline - 13/15
Very nice storyline. Pardon me for not giving you a perfect score though. I just hate sad endings. I was on the edge of my seat when you suddenly stopped right when Hong Ki was about to tell his story! Why do you have to put it on another fanfic? Rawr!(Just kiddin')
Story Flow -15/15
The flow is right on track. Not too fast nor too slow. Well done.
Character Development - 13/15
I was confused on the first chapter of the story. You used Jong Hyun as the first person view then suddenly you changed to Hong Ki then went back to Jong Hyun. The characteristics was described well and no doubt about it.
Descriptions - 8/10
I can imagine the cafe that Jong Hyun went into. Nice settings, even the flashbacks where he imagined about him and Ga Tong was amazing. Perfectly described.
Correct spelling and grammar - 4/5
Quite a few mistakes but can be fixed easily. Better to re-read the story before posting.
Keeping Interest - 8/10
At first, when I knew I was going to do a review for kpop fanfic, I said to myself, I'm going to be biased with the writer. But then, first impression never last. The story was interesting and I'm looking forward to Hong Ki's story!
Ending - 3/5
Cliffhanger! Hmmp.
Bonus Points - 3/5
One point for hanging me in the air waiting for Hong Ki's side of story.
One point for requesting at Kiwi Flight.
Another point for accomplishing the first fanfic here at Kiwi Flight! Yay!
Total - 83/100
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