Fanfic Url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/4173/goodbye-my-lover-korean-romance-you-yunho
Author: lovefaith
Reviewed By: Hainexazien@Kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 3/5
Though the title could’ve been considered as suitable to the story, it was very common and not very likely to catch the eye of the reader when scrolling down a whole column full of stories. More creativity could’ve been put into it, and there must’ve been something else that was more suitable. I understand that it was used to set the theme of the story, as it was the title of the song you used in the story as well; I think you should’ve still put more thought into it. The title is the first thing that catches the readers’ attention, and if it’s overly used like this one, then most likely, the readers will just scroll past it to the next one. Overall though, it was good! Great job!
Appearance: 5/5
I usually mark this part on the poster and background, but since there wasn’t any; I marked it on the structure you have written the story in. It was really organized, and the transition from the story text right into the lyrics was easy to understand and didn’t ruin the appearance of the structure at all! Good Job!
Forewords: 6/10
How you organized the characters though wasn’t as attractive as how you have structured the story. You put ‘You, Jung YunHo.’ Which could’ve been seen as more organized if you put:
• You
• Jung YunHo
And possibly adding a description for the characters wouldn’t hurt. Though the description isn’t required, it gives the reader a brief idea of who the characters are, and it allows them know the characters more; to understand the storyline/ plot easier.
As well, the description you put down was more like an ‘Author’s Note’ where you would just express yourself. The description itself is for the story, and not for the ‘Author’s Note’ and since it’s put out there in the column along with title and posted with all the other stories, it’s also one of the main factors that could pull your readers in. If you just put your personal feelings and nothing about the story at all, then it wouldn’t really be a description box for the story. If you would like to add your feelings or thoughts into the description, then you’re more than free to put ‘Author’s Note’ under whatever Summary of the story, because you need that summary to pull the readers in. Though your forewords itself was short and brief, and though I would like more detail, it did sum up the whole story, so I didn’t deduct any points for that.
Storyline: 12/15
The storyline was actually quite good; I haven’t read much of these stories actually. I did take off points for how unrealistic the voice message from his girlfriend was. How could you possibly leave a voicemail knowing what he was going to say, and completely make out a conversation without knowing what he’d say? Does she just know him too well, or was it a coincidence? I didn’t quite understand. What else I didn’t get –maybe it was just me being slow—but is the girlfriend dead? You should try to stay as much to reality as possible, or make it somewhat as if it’s supposed to happen. This way, it wouldn’t surprise the readers when reading the story, or cause them to say how unbelievable the storyline is.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right. I knew just when there were flashbacks, and when it was in present time! Good Job!
Character Development: 14/15
I didn’t really learn much about Yunho himself other than the fact that his girlfriend possibly died, and he has resided too locking himself in his room to sulk about her. I could tell from that though that he really loves this person, and that he’s someone that cares a lot about love. Other than that though, Good Job!
Descriptions: 7/10
The vocabulary used to describe the objects or things were very plain, and you could’ve elaborated a lot more on what you talked about. I think that the story could’ve been a whole lot more descriptive. Descriptions allow the authors to imagine, and it creates an image in their mind that assists in understanding what is happening in the story more. Try to add more description and detail to your writings.
Correct Spelling Grammar: 5/5
I couldn’t find any spelling mistakes! Good Job! The grammar was alright as well! :)
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not sway while reading the story; you kept my interest the whole way! Good Job!
Ending: 3/5
I couldn’t quite understand the ending, and did she really die? I didn’t quite understand. Maybe it was because I was just slow, or you didn’t make it clear enough, but I did like the fact that he was getting over it and moving on :) Good Job!
Bonus Points: 5/5
Total: 85/100
I enjoyed reading your story! I hope I didn’t offend you in any way during this review, and I hope you use this as a guide for your future story writings! Though it was a little confusing, it did keep my attention throughout the whole time! Good Job! Have a great day and thank-you for requesting at Kiwi Flight! :)
Author: lovefaith
Reviewed By: Hainexazien@Kiwi-flight.blogspot.com
Title: 3/5
Though the title could’ve been considered as suitable to the story, it was very common and not very likely to catch the eye of the reader when scrolling down a whole column full of stories. More creativity could’ve been put into it, and there must’ve been something else that was more suitable. I understand that it was used to set the theme of the story, as it was the title of the song you used in the story as well; I think you should’ve still put more thought into it. The title is the first thing that catches the readers’ attention, and if it’s overly used like this one, then most likely, the readers will just scroll past it to the next one. Overall though, it was good! Great job!
Appearance: 5/5
I usually mark this part on the poster and background, but since there wasn’t any; I marked it on the structure you have written the story in. It was really organized, and the transition from the story text right into the lyrics was easy to understand and didn’t ruin the appearance of the structure at all! Good Job!
Forewords: 6/10
How you organized the characters though wasn’t as attractive as how you have structured the story. You put ‘You, Jung YunHo.’ Which could’ve been seen as more organized if you put:
• You
• Jung YunHo
And possibly adding a description for the characters wouldn’t hurt. Though the description isn’t required, it gives the reader a brief idea of who the characters are, and it allows them know the characters more; to understand the storyline/ plot easier.
As well, the description you put down was more like an ‘Author’s Note’ where you would just express yourself. The description itself is for the story, and not for the ‘Author’s Note’ and since it’s put out there in the column along with title and posted with all the other stories, it’s also one of the main factors that could pull your readers in. If you just put your personal feelings and nothing about the story at all, then it wouldn’t really be a description box for the story. If you would like to add your feelings or thoughts into the description, then you’re more than free to put ‘Author’s Note’ under whatever Summary of the story, because you need that summary to pull the readers in. Though your forewords itself was short and brief, and though I would like more detail, it did sum up the whole story, so I didn’t deduct any points for that.
Storyline: 12/15
The storyline was actually quite good; I haven’t read much of these stories actually. I did take off points for how unrealistic the voice message from his girlfriend was. How could you possibly leave a voicemail knowing what he was going to say, and completely make out a conversation without knowing what he’d say? Does she just know him too well, or was it a coincidence? I didn’t quite understand. What else I didn’t get –maybe it was just me being slow—but is the girlfriend dead? You should try to stay as much to reality as possible, or make it somewhat as if it’s supposed to happen. This way, it wouldn’t surprise the readers when reading the story, or cause them to say how unbelievable the storyline is.
Story Flow: 15/15
The flow was just right. I knew just when there were flashbacks, and when it was in present time! Good Job!
Character Development: 14/15
I didn’t really learn much about Yunho himself other than the fact that his girlfriend possibly died, and he has resided too locking himself in his room to sulk about her. I could tell from that though that he really loves this person, and that he’s someone that cares a lot about love. Other than that though, Good Job!
Descriptions: 7/10
The vocabulary used to describe the objects or things were very plain, and you could’ve elaborated a lot more on what you talked about. I think that the story could’ve been a whole lot more descriptive. Descriptions allow the authors to imagine, and it creates an image in their mind that assists in understanding what is happening in the story more. Try to add more description and detail to your writings.
Correct Spelling Grammar: 5/5
I couldn’t find any spelling mistakes! Good Job! The grammar was alright as well! :)
Keeping Interest: 10/10
I did not sway while reading the story; you kept my interest the whole way! Good Job!
Ending: 3/5
I couldn’t quite understand the ending, and did she really die? I didn’t quite understand. Maybe it was because I was just slow, or you didn’t make it clear enough, but I did like the fact that he was getting over it and moving on :) Good Job!
Bonus Points: 5/5
Total: 85/100
I enjoyed reading your story! I hope I didn’t offend you in any way during this review, and I hope you use this as a guide for your future story writings! Though it was a little confusing, it did keep my attention throughout the whole time! Good Job! Have a great day and thank-you for requesting at Kiwi Flight! :)
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